Fear of the future, how the future can hurt

The past was great… full of awe
Every day of it… so comforting
I looked back at it and I smiled
It seems like just yesterday
It feels like just an hour ago

When mama would wake me up to loosen the grip of the pampers on me
My cleanliness was Mama’s burden
One attire was enough for school the whole week
To the kitchen I rushed after school
Mama would yell, but my ears were stacked

School was fun, school was my life
I take my exam papers, comb through my report cards
The marks were great, but the content minimal
I loved the break times, always wished I was playing
We never got tired running about, defining our own cricket, making our own rules of the football game
I never realized sweat could be bad

But growth started setting in
I never saw it, but they kept saying it
Mama’s friends with amazement would tell me how well I had grown
It felt good knowing I was growing tall
And maybe into a man

But today, growth overwhelmed my expectation
Today, on my bed lies the future
Always reminding me of her arrival
Whenever I turn the knob on my door
Responsibility is the first personality I see

She offers me wide open arms
I just have to fall into her embrace
Though I don’t like her company,
Future always reminds me of their alliance
A bond they are never ready to break

The bond between future and responsibility
A bond that scares the comfort out of me
Now the future burdens me
How can I cope?
Would I have to compromise my integrity?

Now the future scares me
I wish I were a child
So just yesterday I was a toddler
A while ago I was a boy
Today I am a man, a state I will remain forever

The future hurts, the future robs
He has robbed me of my happiness
My childhood fantasies
And I am afraid, so afraid of it
I wish I were a child

Never to grow again
Never again to think of my own welfare
Never again to think about anyone
Never again to see the future.

 

Obed Mensah-Benyin (trigerspice)

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